Healing my Rift with the Goddess
After many decades on the Divine Feminine spiritual path, I discovered that my Mother wound and Sister wound were getting in the way of my relationship with Her. This is my story, plus 3 questions to ask yourself to see if you’re in need of this healing, too.
I used to keep my distance from some aspects of the Divine Feminine, and I see now how this was disrespectful to the Goddess— and revealed where I wasn’t loving myself.
In the summer of 2022, I had the pleasure of mentoring a circle of women from all over the world, as part of a ceremonial leadership training program. One woman shared that her family were devotees to Goddess Kali Ma, and that they had worshiped Kali for centuries.
We all reacted with variations of “Wow!” “That’s so cool.” “Kali kicks ass!” Etc. etc.
I, in particular, expressed my wish that I had grown up with such a strong family connection to the Goddess. “How amazing that you have this lineage of devotion to a certain Goddess,” I said.
She then responded with, “Didn’t you say your Mother’s side of the family was Catholic?”
“Yes…?” I replied, slowly.
“Well then, wouldn’t Mother Mary be that Goddess for you?” she said.
I was stunned into silence.
The truth of it shook my bones.
She was right. The women in most of my motherline had indeed prayed to Mother Mary for centuries. I’m sure my Irish Catholic ancestors lit votive candles and whispered prayers and maybe had a rosary.
But for some reason, it didn’t feel the same to me at all.
This is because my impression of Mother Mary had always been one of meekness and subservience — qualities I judge negatively in myself and other women, and the polar opposite to Kali Ma’s fierceness and power.
That short conversation had a profound impact on me, because it opened my eyes to how I was still judging — and then either exalting or rejecting — the Goddess in all Her forms.
This was a reckoning indeed, since as a Ceremonial Priestess I focus on the unification of the Divine Feminine, not perpetuating more separation and exclusion. As well, my work has held space for women to become aware of the mother wounds and sister wounds that have kept us in mistrust of each other, and healing them.
And yet I was subconsciously still rejecting the Goddess out of my own wounds. (We teach what we need to learn, right?!)
Our relationship with the Divine reflects our relationship with ourselves.
We project qualities we admire on other people, and even on deities. We do the same with criticisms. When we can honestly and humbly admit our judgments, they give us clues to where we’re not very self-loving.
My personality appreciates passion, intelligence, creativity and power. So I naturally gravitate towards expressions of the Goddess like Kali, Artemis, Brigid, Athena, Hecate.
My personality doesn’t appreciate calm, softness, naïveté or self-sacrifice. So I naturally resist expressions of the Goddess like Mother Mary, Persephone, Quan Yin, and Green Tara.
Yet this is an incomplete view of these Goddesses, as I’m self-selecting which qualities I perceive as dominant or desirable.
Millions of women see Mother Mary as an icon of fierce love and strength, for example. And many could criticize Athena for her penchant for revenge and upholding of the patriarchy.
I now understand this resistance to Mary has been a manifestation of my mother wound with the Divine Feminine.
I now understand the dissonance I feel between Artemis and Aphrodite, and how I could never picture them as friends, let alone loving family, as another projection of my sister wound. So I’m dedicated to healing my inner sister wound between those two, as well. And part of how I’m doing this is not buying into the old myths, told by men.
How the story is told really depends on WHO is telling the story, right? So what stories are you telling yourself?
The Greek myths are rife with misogyny and violence against women – often perpetrated against each other. If you get a whiff of patriarchy, trust your nose. Each one of us has to sift through the stories ourselves to find the essential truths that are there for us. Since “we see God as we see ourselves”, this process can be very telling, and very healing, in more ways than one.
I AM ALL: Unifying the Divine Feminine
This came up again recently in a deep guided journey. In the meditation (which I’ve done annually at the beginning of the year for 5 years now), we journey into a mountain cave to meet Great Mother Goddess and receive wisdom and gifts from Her.
Usually She reveals Herself as a more fierce Goddess like I mentioned above: Brigid, Hecate, even Sekhmet. But not this year. Who shows up but Quan Yin, in Her most soft, flowing, and divinely beautiful.
Her gentle compassion and exquisite beauty trigger my ol’ unworthiness wound, and I begin to cry.
Quan Yin isn’t having any of it and I “hear” Her ask, “Why can you only receive me in certain forms?”
In my mind’s eye I see Her shapeshift from my left side to my right side into Brigid, and now as Brigid She says, “You prefer me to look like this. But beloved child, I AM ALL.”
My tears stop. I take a deep breath.
I “know” this. I mean, healing our wound of separation from the Divine Feminine and embracing unity consciousness is at the core of my work as a Priestess. Which is why I keep getting schooled by the Goddess.
“I AM ALL.” reverberates again in my being.
I feel my heart expanding as I fully take this in as truth. In my vision, Quan Yin reappears on my left, floating like a lotus flower, and Brigid remains on my right, holding her fiery bright arrow. Then, a third energy begins to form in front of me and even without much definition I intuitively know that it’s Mother Mary.
“Can you accept all of me?”
I still feel an inward struggle so I decide to be honest and telepathically reply, “I’m trying. I want to accept all of you just as I want to accept all parts of me.”
BOOM, there it is. My own lack of self love and acceptance, projected onto the Goddess.
I see golden light glowing all through me now, and Brigid gives me Her fiery arrow. I humbly accept this sacred gift. I hold it and feel the sacred fire flow through me, igniting my heart. I see a sacred heart, aflame, and know this to be mine, beating in my chest.
Divine love is coursing through my being, stretching me open. Gnosis settles in, that blissful embodied knowing. Love is all there is…
Rejecting the Goddess, Rejecting Myself
The Sisters of Mercy weren’t done with me yet. Within weeks of that guided journey at the start of the year, my family went on vacation to Mexico. I was so grateful for the fun in the sun and relaxation. But that wasn’t the only reason I was there.
One day I went on a solo adventure, catching the city bus to downtown Mazatlán with the intention to visit the old cathedral. I’m a lover of history and spirituality, afterall.
Upon entrance into the main nave, I was immediately drawn to the large Mother Mary statue on the side of the main altar, and sat in the front pew. I did not grow up going to church, and yet I adopted a chip on my shoulder against Christianity and NEVER welcomed Mary as an emanation of the Divine Feminine.
For some time now I knew a deep healing was coming between Her and I, and this was the perfect place. I simply opened my heart to Her and consciously forgave us both.
Two fat tears rolled down my cheeks as my heart softened and opened. It was beautiful.
In the alchemical healing that occurs in such spiritual experiences, I’m now also aware that I was dissolving blocks I held toward myself and the archetypal expressions She represents: the Bodhisattva, the Ascended Master Healer, the Goddess of Mercy and Compassion.
I couldn’t see Her in me before. I rejected that part of me; never feeling comfortable calling myself a Healer in any way. I easily see now how I constructed “archetypes of protection” to be more in the forefront of my personality. My inner Artemis, warrior maiden, defending my more vulnerable inner Healer and Oracle. The dots were connecting as the shields came down!
Afterwards, as I walked around the cathedral I was amazed and delighted to find images of Mary as Goddess of the Grain AND Goddess of the Moon!
I saw a statue of Her with a basket of bread — which has long been associated with the life-giving feminine. It could have been Demeter.
Another statue had Mary carrying baby Jesus in Her arms, with a silver crescent moon at Her feet! I smiled to see this depiction of a Moon Goddess in a Catholic cathedral.
It seems that as soon as I was ready to heal my relationship with Her, I could finally see Her as another, equally valid emanation of the Goddess. I’m so grateful for the healing journey I have been on with Mother Mary, and I’m thankful for Her guidance and grace. I will never forget the lessons She has taught me.
Goddess Archetypes for Spiritual Growth
It’s no secret that I believe that spiritual psychology and archetypal ceremonies are powerful tools for our personal and spiritual growth. I have gained deeper self-understanding and acceptance through working with divine feminine archetypes and sacred technologies of temple ceremonies.
As your mind, body and heart come to operate in alignment with your true divine human nature, you will naturally begin to embody your fullest potential. The impulse for evolution is encoded deep with us. Choosing to live a spiritual life means trusting and following that impulse for yourself.
To discover if you have a Mother or Sister wound to heal with the Goddess, ask yourself these 3 questions:
- Which faces of the Goddess do you love and easily embrace?
- Which faces of the Goddess do you resist or feel intimidated by?
- What qualities do they embody that causes those reactions in you, and does this reveal a personal pattern for yourself?
By embracing ALL of the Divine Feminine, we can embrace ALL of ourselves. We can then access deeper peace and wisdom that can help us to move through life with grace and ease.
Thank you for reading! I’d love to know you were here and what you got out of this article – please leave me a comment on the blog, or send me an email.
Whatever stage you’re at on your Divine Feminine spiritual path, if you’re curious about Goddess archetypes and would like to deepen your understanding of them and how they can support your healing and empowerment, I have created a few things for you. Enjoy 1, 2 or all 3!
First, is my free Quiz, Which of the 7 Sacred Feminine Archetypes Are You? Discover your primary archetype, Goddess portal, and get suggestions on how to activate the correlated chakra.
Second, I’ve put together an Archetypal Awakening Meditation Bundle. You receive an Intro Guide, Journal Guide, and 7 audio meditations with a different Goddess.
And thirdly, the deep dive is my consciously curated embodiment training series, You Are The Temple. This self-study video course is for women who want to experience communion with the feminine divine through meditation, energy practices, and archetypal work.
Note: the Archetypal Awakening Meditation Bundle is included as part of You Are The Temple.